What is spirituality for the ones who find God on the dance floor? What does ascension look like when you're the kind of person who knows more about pasta than meditation? And how are you supposed to love yourself, when you can't even figure out who you're supposed to be?

In Messy Bitch Magic, we join Ani Ferlise on a quest to find the answers to these questions and more, as she navigates the decade-long dark-night-of-the-soul leading to her Saturn Return. Intimate, candid, and darkly hilarious, we're cringing right along with Ferlise as she turns to modern spirituality in an attempt to quiet the personal demons that have been trailing her since college.

There's the weeks-long apprenticeship with a (literal) sadistic witch, where the nights typically end with Ferlise doom-scrolling social media and snot-crying into her blankie. There's her first priestess weekend, where stray pubes and toxic BO threaten to expose her lack of hot Goddess credentials. There's the journey to the fabled Mt. Shasta, where she finally (sort of?) gets to speak to God. And through it all, there's the nasty little voice in her head reminding her what a narcissistic loser she is.

Populated with a colorful cast of healers, heretics, hipster witches, and coked-up S.N.A.G.s (Spiritual New Age Guys), Messy Bitch Magic speaks to a generation of seekers for whom modern spirituality is often more self-pleasure rituals and online personality tests. A coming of age and coming out tale, Messy Bitch Magic is for anybody who has looked for enlightenment in all the wrong places, who has surrendered their dignity somewhere along the way, and are still waiting for their chance to just live, laugh, love.

Ferlise, Ani